


Nightmares Brought Me Here

by crystallized-iron (Somiko_Raven)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Ignoring Avengers: Infinity War, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Pre-Relationship, Prompt Fill, Tony Stark Has Nightmares, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-17 13:55:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13660389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somiko_Raven/pseuds/crystallized-iron
Summary: Tony is still suffering from past events. Still shaken from a nightmare, he ends up in Barnes' room.Prompt:“Whenever I’m near you, it feels like I’m drowning.”“Please don’t abandon me–not like everyone else.”“I need your help. I had nowhere else to go.”





	Nightmares Brought Me Here

 

His arm was stretched out towards her, but she stepped away. “I need to take care of myself now, Tony,” she said.

“Please don’t abandon me,” he whispered back, “not like everyone else.”

“I need to think of me. I can’t handle you anymore.”

“Pepper… Pepper, please.”

She faded into black, and then all he could see was snow against gray. He felt cold, too cold. Memories of JARVIS disappearing when the suit lost power came back and he frantically searched for something, anything that could repower it, but his hands only felt an icy surface.

And finally he opened his eyes.

Another nightmare… Tony had been getting better, but once the former Avengers had returned to the states, they had become more frequent, his memories twisting and blending together to create a disturbing vision in his mind. He was only glad he woke up before Rhodey’s fall was included this time.

His chest felt tight as he tried to breathe. It still had a dull ache after the shield that was designed to protect the country came crashing down into the arc reactor that powered the Iron Man suit, pressing against the scars where the one that had kept him alive for years used to sit. Tony didn’t want to concern anyone so he said nothing about it.

Steve never even noticed.

It was alright. Tony didn’t need him to. He didn’t need anyone to know that he was still suffering. Bruce had asked if there was any lasting damage when he and Thor came back, but Tony waved it off, instead asking Bruce what they had been up to. That story was quite entertaining.

Finally deciding it was alright to leave his room, Tony changed into an old, worn out t-shirt and a pair of sweats, as well as old sneakers that he wouldn’t wear out in public. He wasn’t planning on going outside.

He made his way down the hall, keeping his eyes ahead, just hoping he wouldn’t catch anyone’s attention. Tony wasn’t in the mood for playing a role he was expected to be right now.

Of course, he wouldn’t be getting what he wanted today as Steve called him over. Walking up, Tony shoved his hands into his pockets, fixing the good ol’ Captain with a look. “What’s up, Capsicle?” he asked, working to keep his voice sounding casual. He didn’t even have a pair of shades on to hide behind right now and it was taking so much effort to seem like everything was fine.

But everything was not fine, especially with the damn Winter Soldier standing right there with Steve.

“We’ll be having an Avengers meeting in fifteen,” Steve informed him, “and I expect you to show up.”

“Couldn’t you have just texted that to me or something?” Tony wondered, already trying to step past him.

“I can’t be sure that you would have read it,” Steve said, “or if you had but then decided not to show.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be there, Rogers, don’t worry.”

“You haven't gone to the last few meetings, always claiming that you didn't know about them, but I always try to reach you ahead of time and you don't answer.”

Tony finally stopped and turned to him. “I'm sorry, I'm usually busy or blasting the stereo, or both, so I don't bother to look.”

“Maybe you should next time,” Steve stated, walking away first, probably to get ready for this supposedly important meeting.

“Yeah, well, whenever I’m near you, it feels like I’m drowning,” Tony muttered as he watched him leave. After everything they had been through, Tony wasn't sure he could ever really call Steve a friend again, and forget about trust. He almost didn't want to work with him on the field, but it was necessary. He just had to be even more careful in case Steve took an opportunity to strike.

Then Barnes passed and Tony realized that he must have heard his comment directed at Steve's back.

He swallowed back the nerves.

It was okay. Steve wouldn't do anything about it.

* * *

The meeting came and went agonizingly slow for Tony. He was itching to get back to the lab by the time it was over.  _ ‘We have to be ready in case of another alien invasion’ _ they were finally saying, but Tony was in preparation mode for years already, constantly working to figure out the best way to protect the world. Even his ideal scenarios had a highly negative impact on his health (like death, for one), but that didn't matter as long as the death toll could be kept to a very low minimum.

Riding the elevator down, it took Tony too long to notice he was not alone, jumping when he spotted Barnes in the corner. “Fuck, how the hell do you do that!?” he demanded, feeling his heart trying to pound its way through his chest.

“You alright?”

Two words.

The Winter Soldier asked him only two words.

“Sure. Sure I'm fine,” Tony assured him, wondering why it felt like the ride was taking far too long.

Barnes calmly watched him, but said nothing more.

When the door opened to the lab, Tony raced out.

Bucky stayed on, and the elevator door soon closed again.

Why was he even on the elevator in the first place?

* * *

 

Days began to pass, Tony occasionally seeing Bucky around the compound. Whenever Bucky knew he had his attention, he would ask Tony if he was alright, always with just two words. Every time, Tony gave a lie. He wasn't going to admit anything, especially not to the Winter Soldier.

But Tony had another nightmare.

It was only ten, maybe fifteen minutes long, but it was one of the most realistic dreams he ever had. He nearly had a panic attack, reminding himself that everyone was safe. The vision Wanda once showed him paled in comparison.

His chest protested as he tried to breathe, gasping harshly for those few desperate breaths.

Rhodey fell.

Tony pulled the trigger and didn’t move as he watched.

“Please don’t be a vision…” he whispered raggedly, curling in on himself. “Please don’t be a vision…”

Which memory was right? Was Rhodey dead, was he alive? He had to be alive, right? Was it just a dream that Tony had spoken to him just the other day?

“JARVIS, is… i-is Rhodey still… is he…”

“It’s FRIDAY, boss,” his AI answered. “Rhodey is at home.”

That’s right. How could he have forgotten that JARVIS was no longer around, that now Vision had taken everything from one of his closest friends? The dreams were getting worse, questioning what was real, what wasn’t. He needed… something.

Tony rolled out of bed, still trying to regulate his breathing. Maybe getting out of his room would help.

His hand reached to his chest as he walked, finding only scar tissue and flesh. There was no reactor. Okay, that was good, right? That was good.

The compound was quiet. Well, why wouldn’t it be? He was the only one up at this hour. The sun was still down.

Reaching the communal kitchen, he stopped. The room felt too big for just him. He felt totally and completely alone again. Rhodey wasn’t here (could he even believe that his friend was still alive without seeing him?), Pepper was gone ( _ I can’t handle it either _ , he wanted to say). He could maybe call… but this late? If Rhodey was okay, there was no reason to call, no reason to wake him up. He wouldn’t like it, and then he would worry. Tony didn’t want him to worry, not more than he already did about the fact that the former Avengers were back.

And it wasn’t just them that had come to the compound.

The former Winter Soldier had too, and maybe Tony could ask…

Ask what? For him to spy on his friend? Maybe… It wasn’t exactly a great request, but Tony couldn’t calm down, couldn’t push back the fears.

It took him a few minutes to remember where he had placed Barnes’ room (Steve insisted he be nearby) but once he did, he quickly made his way there. At his door, Tony paused. He couldn’t just enter unannounced. That would be asking for a swift death. He didn’t want to alert Steve though, really did not want to face him when he was feeling so vulnerable. He gave a light tap to Barnes’ door, soft enough that hopefully Steve’s supersoldier hearing wouldn’t pick it up, but he worried if maybe it was too quiet for Barnes too, until the door opened.

Before Barnes could even say anything, Tony was quickly murmuring, “I need your help. I had nowhere else to go, no one else to turn to…”

“It’s alright,” he heard, and felt himself being pulled into the room.

Tony barely registered that he was being held against bare skin, peeking down to see the scars left by HYDRA first, and then the new arm that was designed in Wakanda. They had trusted this man enough to give him a new weapon, so he should be able to trust him as well. “I…”

“Hush…” Barnes simply held onto him, breathing with him until Tony eventually calmed down enough to be able to speak clearly. “Now what’s wrong?”

Tony kept his eyes off of the other’s face as he answered, “Nightmare… Sorry, I don’t know why I even came here, I shouldn’t have -”

“Tony, Tony, it’s okay.”

Hesitating at first, Tony slowly said, “You used my first name…”

“Don’t want me to? Everyone else does, but I understand if you don’t want me using it…”

“Not that… Um…”

“So your nightmare,” Barnes stopped him.

“Yeah…” Tony took a breath, slowly exhaling. “I saw Rhodey… his fall… but I was the one that…”

“You didn’t,” Barnes reminded him. “That was… that was a fucking mess…” He gently coaxed Tony’s chin up. “I’m sorry about your friend, alright? Believe me, I never wanted that to happen. I don’t do that shit anymore, I promise. They just… everyone did what they thought was right, and… I’m sorry.”

“No one was supposed to get hurt…” Tony muttered, trying to choke back the emotions that were fighting their way to the surface. He didn’t have the energy to keep holding back much longer, wishing he had thought to bring a pair of shades with him just in case he ran into someone. Just trying to keep from outright sobbing in front of this man was draining him, and Barnes wouldn’t allow him the luxury to look away.

“You’re right…” He didn’t say anything as he saw the first tear fall, but he did hold Tony closer, letting him get it out. Everything that had been building up to that moment came out and Barnes just let Tony cling to him, not interrupting his emotional release.

It had been so long since Tony was allowed any kind of freedom like this, even from before he was Iron Man. He always had to be so strong, show no weakness. His fears, his doubts were always buried, drowning under alcohol, the hurried lifestyle to keep him distracted while he struggled to survive it all. After capture, after his escape, he had a new distraction, a new life. He still never shed a tear for any of it, not until now. It wasn’t until he had found himself in the arms of the former Winter Soldier did he finally feel like it was okay to just…

Hours after he had begun, he finally stopped. He felt exhausted, but also freer than he had in years. “You alright?” he heard Barnes ask after the shakiness in his breathing was gone, noticing how broken the other’s own voice sounded.

Tony nodded, slowly lifting his head to see him, see the tear tracks on Barnes’ face as well. Gently running a finger down one, he asked, “Is that for…”

“Don’t worry about it,” Barnes answered. “Are you alright?”

He nodded again, resting his head on Barnes’ chest. “Thanks, Barnes…”

“Still using my last name,” the man softly teased.

Tony lightly smiled as he said, “Thank you, Bucky…”

“Anytime, Tony…”

* * *

It was afternoon when Tony received a new text from Steve, reading that apparently there would be another meeting. He heard the alert from the phone that was sitting on the desk nearby as well, looking over to watch as Bucky checked it. “Another, Stevie…?”

Tony smiled. Maybe he could go to this one, if Bucky went. “You gonna go?”

“If I don’t, he’ll be questioning me about it later,” Bucky sighed, setting the phone back down on the desk. “Would rather just keep watching you work.”

“Surprised you like it so much,” Tony mumbled, looking over his tools.

“I’ve always been interested in science,” Bucky explained. “Never thought I’d be an experiment though.”

“Yeah…” Tony lowered his hands and turned to him. “I’m sorry about what they did to you. Sorry for… what I did to you…”

“Don’t blame you… If I had seen someone do that to my folks, I…” Bucky shook his head. “I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same thing if I had something like your suit… especially if it was Stevie and his mum that I saw.”

Tony dropped his gaze to the table. “Yeah…”

Standing up from the desk, Bucky went over to him. “I forgive you.”

“I…” Tony took a shaky breath. He needed to do this, looking up at him. “I forgive you too.”

Bucky smiled. “Think you’ll be able to forgive Steve one day?”

“I don’t know…” Tony quickly admitted. “That was… the reactor…”

“I went for it first,” Bucky reminded him.

“I know, but he knew… h-he knew the reactor kept me alive before, the shrapnel, i-if it wasn’t removed before, I…”

“Shh…” Bucky pulled him into a hug. “It’s alright, Tony… Don’t have to forgive him right away, maybe not even at all, that’s all your choice. Whenever you’re ready.”

“Thanks…”

Bucky held onto him until he was sure Tony was calmer again. “Now, maybe we should go see what Steve wants this time, huh?”

“How are you so okay already…?” Tony asked him as they walked to the elevator doors.

“You just didn’t see my breakdowns,” Bucky told him. He held onto Tony’s hand as they left the lab. “Never said I was okay though. Not sure I’ll ever really be completely okay, but I’m getting better. You’ll get better too.”

“You think?”

“Well, I’ll make sure you’ll at least try to get better, okay? How about that?”

“Thank you, Bucky…”

“Anytime.”

They arrived at the meeting together, Steve spotting them right away, his eyes on their hands. Tony expected Bucky to at least let go now that they were there, but Bucky never even lessened his hold. Instead he used it to pull Tony closer to him.

After the meeting, Bucky finally let Tony go, watching him leave after a brief back and forth that had them both laughing in the end. Steve stepped up to his friend. “What happened between you two?”

“We’re just two guys tryin’ to survive, Steve,” Bucky told him. “He needs someone in his corner, I just decided it’s gonna be me. Besides, you fucked up something really special with him, you know? I’m not gonna do that.”

“You really like him, don’t you?” Steve asked.

“I do, a lot.” Turning to Steve, Bucky said, “I’m gonna start just going to him when things get bad, alright? Think he understands more than you do.”

“Are you sure about that? Bucky, he can be -”

“What are you going to say, Stevie? That he can be warm and soft and an all-around great guy if you just give him a chance? You all back him into a corner, of course he’s gonna hide his true self.” Putting his hands into his pockets, Bucky added, “I love you, Steve, I do, you’re like a brother to me, you know that, but he’s… I think he and I need each other right now. Maybe I’ll ask to be moved closer to his room.”

“Is that… really what you want?” Steve wondered.

“It is right now. Not like I’m disappearing on you again, punk, just to a different room,” Bucky assured.

Steve still didn’t want Bucky to leave his side, but if his friend felt this would help, he couldn’t just stand in his way. “Alright…”

“I’ll still jog with you and Sam in the mornings,” Bucky said. “Still run laps around both of you.”

Unable to help the small chuckle, Steve grinned back at him. “We’ll see who runs laps around who.”

Bucky gave a small sigh of relief. “Now I’m gonna head to the lab for a bit, but maybe you and I can hit the gym later, yeah?”

“Yeah, sure. Have fun.”

“You know I will, I love this stuff,” Bucky reminded him, leaving his friend in the room. Of course, as he came to the doors to the lab, went inside, and saw Tony working, Bucky couldn’t stop the small voice that was asking him,  _ What if? _ He didn’t think it would be that kind of love, but…

What if?

**Author's Note:**

> FOR THOSE THAT HAVE ENJOYED READING THIS
> 
> I'm marking this as complete, but there is the possibility I may return to this world. I don't know yet.


End file.
